Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Back At One

bacl

For some reasons, I have not been able to write for the past two months. It was a disease—I could not even start a sentence, let alone a topic. My mind blanked each time I tried, and I was comfortable with it. It did not bother until recently, when I found the urge, the necessity, to write but couldn’t. I thought I’d completely lost it, and I think- well, it’s too soon to tell if I have not, in fact, lost it.

I’ve been maintaining another blog—one which I’d ‘built’ way before this one. I built it to have an outlet for the things that I could not express out loud, for things that even though I’ve already let out still needed some discussing. I found a perfect medium to express myself, and grow in my writing. I’ve met some kind people who followed my blog, and some of them I keep still keep in-touch with through text. It felt ridiculously cathartic, and gratifying, that those people were able to relate to what I had to say, and that they like what I’ve been writing. And that’s when I started to be overwhelmed- suddenly, their praises were beginning to take weight on my shoulders. I knew I was only as good as my last post, which seems to be the case around my blogging network. I started to feel like I was obliged to write to keep those people entertained. I never wanted to entertain, I only wanted to write.

I have decided to keep the other blog, just in case. And it’s just difficult to take it down. It may not be as big as other people’s blogs, but I’ve built a name from it. And I know that some of those ‘blog friends’ are just waiting for me to return.

There’s just too much on my mind lately, and I no longer have control. I just want to go back to the basics of writing—to that point when I didn’t care if people liked my post.